Why Understanding your Child is Important

Parents have the responsibility over children. Raising a child is truly hard. Nobody says it is easy. Aside from providing your child the basic necessities in life, you should also shower him with affection, care, and love. You should also learn genuinely understanding your child and his behavior. As an adult, take charge to reach out and understand why your child may be behaving the way he does.

Psychologists and experts have always been asserting the importance of establishing and maintaining a good parent-child relationship. To good parents, the harmonious and excellent relationship could start during the childhood years and should be carried until adulthood. This way, your child would also surely apply what he has learned from your parenting. Good parenting and examples could be the best legacy you could even pass to your child, who in the future would also become a parent on his own.

It is very important to understand your child and what he is saying. You might be asking why. There are practical and logical reasons. First, if you would not strive to understand your own child, who would? As a parent, you should be providing and facilitating an environment that is conducive for good communication and honesty. If you would not understand your child, chances are that he would develop a notion or perception that nobody would do so. This could foster dangerous possibilities.

Another reason why it is important to understand your child is that you have to provide the necessary support. By this, it may mean all kind of support, be it financial, moral, or emotional. As a loving parent, it is your responsibility to make your child feel loved and appreciated. If you have no idea how your child is thinking or feeling, how could you possibly extend appropriate or necessary support?

Then, understanding your child is a key to helping him develop a positive and productive personality. Several studies have shown that children who have good relationships with their parents tend to do better in school. They also tend to display better leadership skills and they tend to have positive disposition and principles in life. This is essential as they strive to go on with their journey eventually in their lives.

It is important to understand your child well because you should be able to pinpoint and identify possible problems and concerns your child could have. It is not healthy for any child to be carrying worries and concerns that he could not find answers. Remember that your child is just starting in life, while you as an adult have already learned what you have to learn. It would be ideal if you would serve and act as your child’s guide.

Understanding the feelings of your child could help you adjust your personality to suit his needs. It is always important to become approachable to your child at all times. Make him feel very welcome in asking you questions, advices, or guidance whenever he needs light. Understanding your child could help you better understand how you could become more helpful and approachable. As much as possible, do not make him feel intimated, annoyed, and scared of you. If that happens due to inevitable reasons, try to talk to your child during calm moments and make him feel that you would always be nice and approachable for him.

Understanding Your Child and What He Says

You may already have realized so many times that effective communication is the way to build a good relationship with people. In parenting, it could also play a significant part in the way you raise and interact with your child. Understanding your child entails communicating effectively with him, especially during his difficult and tumultuous times.

Always remember that every time you are listening carefully and intently to your child, he becomes more comfortable and you tend to genuinely understand his feelings and emotions. Realize that proper and effective communication could help build your child’s self discipline. It is also the key to teaching him the core values of discipline and respect. Master good communication with your child and see how parenting could be more enjoyable and easier for you. Here are some guidelines.

Always strive to establish proper eye contact every time you communicate with your child. Through doing so, you could be able to collect other context and verbal clues to better understand his feelings and emotions. Pay particular attention to hand gestures, facial expressions, and most importantly, voluntary or involuntary bodily movements. There could be non-verbal clues to the message he is trying to tell.

Then, be particularly attentive whenever your child is speaking. Try not to do or finish another task while you talk with him. This is because doing so could make him feel that you lack time to even listen to your child. Do not get preoccupied with anything else or other activities and try to listen attentively to every word he says. Focus on the message he is trying to convey to you.

Try to practice or observe reflective listening. This could be easy on your part. Whenever your child tries to tell you something, paraphrase or repeat his words or your understanding of what he says. This way, you could get a more concise and clearer understanding of what he is trying to say. It could also make your child comfortable because the burden of making you understand his message is eased off. Try asking him questions so that you could indicate you are listening intently and that you are interested to really understand him.

Avoid using foul and unlikely words or language. If you get angry, control your temper and try to remain as calm and as nice as you could. Your child may easily be scared by strong and impulsive words you may uncontrollably utter during sudden surges of emotions. It is important to make your child feel that your reaction to his message is just cool. It would not help making your child fearful as doing so could only make him scared ad reluctant to approach you. Being pleasant really helps all the time.

Be specific and short when giving feedbacks or responses to your child’s message. Remember to provide feedback as soon as you could. It would not help to delay feedbacks and reactions. At the same time, try not to facilitate long lectures and speeches when reprimanding him, if ever there is a need to do so. When talking to your child, remember to always be short and straight to the point as he may not have the patience to listen. Children are easily bored, so try not to sound and look boring to him, if you really aim understanding your child and dealing with him.

Understanding Little Children

Understanding little children, especially in their toddler years, is always full of pleasant surprises. This is the time when your children’s grammar skills are developing at a much faster rate. You never know what funny words come out from their mouths.

Beginning at 2 years old, these kids can already pick up correct use of verbs, nouns, pronouns, prepositions and all the other language bits by ear and speaking them right out.

Some characteristics of 2-year olds

Per previous studies, two-year-olds have been found to have more than 50 words in their vocabulary. They communicate mostly by saying two and three word phrases that enable them to participate in adult-like conversations. Most of these words are nouns (for objects and people) greetings, and other key words such as “more” and “now”. They can answer simple questions, too.

Children of this age are more than eager to hone their language skills by imitating and copying adults and older children. Later, they are able to manage and make five-word phrases confidently.

They are captivated by animated adults reading illustrated books. These books teach new words that they seldom hear. A book about the zoo introducing the animals brings in new words for their vocabulary.

These children are quick to identify pictures in books, helping them in their language development, even interacting with storytellers. They chat to themselves during play which actually is a good way to practice their talking skills.

At this age, these children are aware of others around them. They use their names and they are beginning to understand the concept of the pronouns “he” and ‘she.”

They are able to manage themselves: taking a bath, getting dressed, eating and playing. They are also able to identify at least 6 parts of their bodies that include the hands, legs, nose, and mouth.

These children can follow simple two-step instructions. (“Please pick up the ball and put it in the box.”) They are not yet ready to ask questions, but they can understand easy questions asked of them, like “Where is mommy?” This is because their receptive language skills (understanding of words and language) develop faster than their expressive skills or oral abilities in words and language.

They know how to use their own names, in effect identifying themselves from the others. This is the beginning of awareness of his or her own personality, an important milestone for any developing child.

They can sing parts or whole of nursery rhymes, enjoying the music, and the interest to sing along with it. This is also an opportunity of practicing use of more words.

At this stage, the child can communicate variations of the word “no” and other negative phrases. This is a powerful and useful skill for him. The child is also able to understand the idea of past actions and the use of the past tense,

Also, they are able to pronounce the sounds of the letters B, P, M, G, N, K, H, W, D, and T.

Some characteristics of a 3-year old

3-year olds understand most aspects of the language and start to figure out the grammatical rules and add them to their speech.

Sometimes, what sounds like nonsense words are word experiments for them, like calling a fountain “crash water”, a picturesque name. They know how words sound and how sentences are put together and begin to mix new word combinations on their own.

They understand well how meanings change in a language even before they can speak: that of changing the word order and adding prefixes and suffixes in the words.

By the time they turn three, children are most likely to be very good talkers. They can carry a conversation well, know how to adjust their tones and speech patterns and to the vocabulary of their speaking mate. (They use simpler words with another child their own age, but can be more verbal with adults.)

As parents, understanding children – the little ones specifically – can be a most pleasant exercise one can have. Even including the tantrums when all the trouble was you cannot understand them sometimes.

Understanding Children and Their Temperaments

One of the most sensitive and important issues parents have to contend with is the matter of their child’s temperament. Understanding children and their temperament is one important key to better growing-up development of each child’s personality vis-à-vis the world at large.

Needs to Understand Your Child’s Temperament

There is never a better way of knowing your child than understanding his temperament. Doing so means you accept his uniqueness and not your pre-conceived ideas about him before he showed up in your life.

Understanding his temperament will help you in letting go and not blame yourself or your child for situations that are normal as seen from the point of view of your child’s temperament.

Understanding your child’s temperament can help you and your spouse plan strategies to deal with complicated circumstances and situations your child may find himself in. Mild situations need not escalate into major conflicts or difficulties that may cause harm for all parties, especially your child.

You will also understand better how your child learns on his own accord. Experts place fast-adjusting temperaments as those who learn more by doing and practicing. Slower-to-warm temperaments learn by watching and rehearsing internally. Remember, everyone is different.

In this situation, you will learn to forgive yourself and your child after some bad times. As authorities had expressed before, there are no bad temperaments, only that some are more challenging than others and it is up to you to meet up these challenge. Even the most challenging of situations can be “planned” in some way because it had been understood.

With everybody having their own temperaments, you will have to accept that yours and that of your child might not be great going together at present circumstances. However, you may want to look at the possibility that your child’s temperament might just work out fine for him out there in the world. It could happen, too, that maybe in the future your lives may work out fine.

Easy/Flexible Temperament

This child has a generally optimistic outlook, can adapt quickly and is usually positive. He is an easy learner, eats and sleeps regularly (has no trouble sleeping), pleasant and cheerful, And maintains a low-intensity mood.

He can be a crybaby and feels deeply some situations, but he has few significant emotional outbursts. This type comprises about 40% of all people.


The Feisty/Difficult/Spirited type has about 10% of the population, the opposite of the Easy /Flexible. This child is difficult to nap or feed in regular ways. Moreover, he has irregular bowel movements, and sometimes shows his mastery with some things in general.

He has tantrums, is fussy with things, hard to transition and is often unpleasant in manners and ways. On the other hand, he or she is bursting with energy, gets into mischief, and is capable of exploring anything with great intensity.

This type attracts all kinds of negative things and it is easy to scold, punish or even resent this child with this kind of temperament.

Slow-To-Warm Types

The 3rd temperament type is aptly called Slow-To-Warm. 15% of the population belongs to this category. Sometimes, these guys are mistaken for shy or highly-sensitive persons (which they sometimes are.) They usually observe a lot on the outside of things before coming in. he or she may have an irregular sleeping, feeding and other personal habits. This child seems to be always enjoying things or doing them at his own sweet pace.

The rest of the population (35%) cannot be categorized or typed into a group with a pervading form of temperament to classify. The only feature they have is that they all have all features of all three temperaments.

In all these temperament types, you will also find yours. Understanding children and their temperaments also includes understanding your own. Doing so will open your eyes to the many areas where your can connect to that of your child’s, whether you are compatible with each other or not.

Understanding Children And Behavior Issues

Behavior issues and the need in understanding children usually fall on teachers and parents. With teachers, dealing with children and their behavior issues brings out another prickly issue of discipline.

Education experts and authorities agree that one way to deal with discipline is related to the outward behavior of children. It is composed of three ideas related to reinforcement – positive, negative, and punishment.

Positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcements (primary and secondary reinforcements) are sometimes compared to the old ‘rewards system’. Basically, it is giving the children what they want or need after they have done what we wanted them to do.

Food, for example, given to the child as a prize for something done is a primary reinforcement. Secondary reinforcements are not rewarding at first, but they will be after accumulating for a period of time. Money is considered a secondary reinforcement.

Negative reinforcement

Negative reinforcement is a little difficult to explain because its use is not usually recognized. Negative reinforcement is something that, when removed, has to be made in order for it to go away. The seat-belt buzzer which gives out an annoying noise and will stop only when it is put on is one example of negative reinforcement.


Punishment as a mode of discipline is different from reinforcement. It is like some kind of an opposite because where reinforcement seeks to increase behavior, punishment seeks to decrease it. However, some punishments do not have direct connection to the behavior it is trying to discourage.


Extinction is the real opposite of reinforcement in the sense that it removes the rewards that encourage or keep a behavior going. A class clown gets laughter from everyone when he clowns around for attention. But if we ignore him, we use extinction which is the removal of rewards (laughter) that keep the clown going.


Still another way with discipline is having the children think about their actions and behaving in appropriate ways. Sanctions are calculated to help children behave and act in moral ways.

Sanctions include 1) temporary exclusion from the group; 2) calling the child’s attention to the consequences of his actions; 3) depriving the child of what he misused; and 4) restitution. Restitution means he must make good that which he has done wrong or ill.

Temporary exclusion means a child is asked to leave the group until he can participate and follow the group’s rules. Sometimes, this action does not work with all types. Shy types would leave and never come back.

Calling the attention of the child rule-breaker to the consequences of his actions (for instance, breaking crayons) is one other sanction. Again, sometimes not all child law-breakers will feel the weight of this. A child may defiantly declare that he does not care.
This means it could be the time to use the 3rd sanction.

Depriving the use of anything a child has abused or misused is sometimes effective. As with all sanctions, this is related to the child’s previous action. The child may not use any crayons because he broke them.

Restitution is a very important sanction that can be used in discipline. It means “making good that which you have harmed.” A child who broke the crayons of another must “restitute” or replace the crayons before he is admitted to the group again.

Understanding children and behavior issues are the primary considerations before instituting any method of discipline in schools and even in the homes. It is fair for all concerned – the offenders and the do-gooders.

Tips for Understanding Your Child through Language

Good communication is also a key to understanding your child better. Do not be surprised at how your child could be. These days, children know how to use misbehavior and annoying habits just to raise parents’ ire. It is not good to declare an all-out war with your child. Instead, it is always best to build and maintain a harmonious relationship to keep the parent and child relationship healthier and flourishing.

Here are some tips on how you could better understand and control your child. It is not effective to be always ill-tempered and impulsive. Read on.

First, be genuinely familiar with the language used by the child, especially during times of conflicts and confrontations. Try your best to familiarize yourself with your child’s accent, choice of words, and diction. Try to understand that as an individual, your child would eventually acquire and use his own speaking style. Being familiar with his own language could enable you to accurately decipher his message. Some children may not be knowledgeable or able to express real thoughts and emotions.

Second, learn how to accept the full emotional range of your child. Try to learn how to accept the emotions and feelings of your child especially as he speaks. As you succeed in understanding your child and his emotions, you may start guiding him to effectively express his unpleasant and unlikely feelings in an acceptable and appropriate way. Do not discourage him from telling what he really feels. Suppression of emotions and feelings, as you know, could not be healthy in the long term.

Third, do not interrupt your child whenever he speaks. It is good if you would actually show him proper courtesy to people. As he speaks, let him finish what it is he is saying. Explain and make him realize that interrupting any speaker is rude. This is also a way of instilling him some part of good values.

Fourth, always strive to be approachable. As much as possible, your child should not grow distant from you. If you are approachable enough, he would not hesitate to approach you to discuss any problem or requests. Do not make your child feel and think as if communication is hard. It is advisable if the child would realize that good and open communication between him and you is always possible. Whenever he communicates, do not make him feel avoided, ignored, or neglected.

Fifth, ask questions so you could gather further information. It is always advisable to ask good and light questions especially if you are confirming your thoughts. However, try not to sound as interrogating and as intimidating as possible. Try to ask questions that could really solicit honest and direct answers from your child. Do not scare or annoy him though any of your inquisitions. Always observe kind and pleasant manner so you could help your child bolster his self-esteem and confidence.

Lastly, provide good, helpful and assuring responses or answers to your child’s every question. It would be helpful if you would apply reflective listening. This way, you could have a clear and actual grasp of what it is your child is trying to tell you. Reflect on his words and the manner by which he talks. You could get a lot of clues and answers from them. Understanding your child entails setting a good and open communication between you and him.

Tips for Understanding Your Child and His Behavior

Nobody ever said parenting is an easy and smooth task. More frequently, parents find it hard, difficult, and frustrating to handle their children. If you have problems with your child’s behavior, it would help a lot if you would try to reach out. Understanding your child and his behavior would definitely make wonders. Anyway, if you would not take the effort to do so, who would?

Parenting has always been among the most significant and challenging jobs known to mankind. Often, children’s misbehavior and tantrums effectively drive parents crazy. This is particularly true if parents could not seem to correct such misbehaviors. If you are facing this kind of problem, begin the approach to solving it by treating the misbehavior as a message. Your child definitely is trying to tell you something he could not easily and effectively express.

Understanding your child’s misbehavior could help you discern and decipher what exactly it is he is trying to say to you. He has goals for misbehaving the way he does. It is not good to underestimate your child. Through comprehending misbehavior, you could help yourself curb any unlikely or bratty behavior of your child so you could eventually enjoy a better and stronger relationship as child and parent. Here are some guidelines that could help you going.

First, understand that misbehavior is every child’s creative and scheming approach to seek and catch attention. You may start curbing it by evaluating and determining how you actually feel and react if he misbehaves. Your child may be continuously doing his misdemeanors if he sees you are irritated and annoyed. To make a good start, try to ignore the bad behavior even for once. Give him more attention every time he behaves more appropriately. This could be your creative way of telling him that the best way to catch your attention is through behaving properly.

Try not to show anger whenever your child misbehaves. You may send him the wrong signal. If you get irritated or annoyed, try your best to be as calm and as pleasant as possible. This way, you are removing yourself totally out of the conflict. The moment he calms down, encourage your child to talk and tell you what it is he likes.

Some children are just too smart to aim revenge through misbehaving. If you think that is the case, try to withdraw yourself from the situation. It is best if you could establish a positive interaction particularly when he is calm or is in neutral situation. Then, try to set logical consequences for his misbehavior (but be careful not to make it look and sound like actual punishments).

Always have patience. There is no need to feel helpless no matter how difficult the situation could be. Do not give him the impression that you are giving up. As an adult, show the child that you are mature and knowledgeable enough in handling the situation. Keep on talking to your child during his calm moments so you could settle and resolve whatever differences you may have with each other. Understanding your child may not be simple, but you could always succeed in it if you would just be determined enough. It is always best to foster a healthy and open relationship with your child and make yourself approachable at all times.

Ten Tips On Understanding Your Child

Parenting can be a frustrating experience especially if you cannot seem to establish a harmonious relationship with your teenager. There are times when you find yourself in disagreement with your child because of the so-called generation gap. The key to having a harmonious relationship with your child lies on how well you understand them. Here are 10 tips on dealing with your teen and understanding your child.

Set a boundary between your role as a parent or a friend.

Aside from being a father or mother to your child, you can also be a friend to them. But sometimes you need to make a distinction between being a parent and the same time a friend to your child. Friends will always have the tendency to judge your child whenever they confide their problems.

As parents, you cannot do this because of your care for the child. Friends can be found anywhere but good parents is a rare commodity these days.

Show Your Involvement

This is true especially if you are occupied with your work and rarely have the time to be with your child. Being involved means finding the time to be with them whenever you have a spare time. Try to find information about your child’s life, their thoughts and feelings so that they will be at ease coming to you when they are in trouble.

Train Them To Be Accountable

As a parent, you are responsible for preparing your child for adult life. Teach them that if they want something, effort should be exerted in order to achieve it. Money is not the important thing, it is being responsible and independent which matters. Provide them their allowance for jobs but don’t pay them if they are not doing their part. This way, you are training them to survive in this world.

Listen To Them

As a parent, it is your job to listen to them and understand what they want. You should avoid making any judgment even if they are arguing or disrespecting you. Try to get the message that they are trying to convey as it often means they need your help.

Explain Your Side

By letting them know the reasons for your decision, you are helping them become good decision makers themselves. If you want your child to be home at a certain time, tell them that you are concerned for their safety. Even if they disagree with your decision, they will accept it as adults.

Be There For Your Child

The most important thing in being a parent is letting them know that you are always there for them. Providing support and letting your child know that you are behind them is vital to their development.

Tune In

Knowing and listening to their kind of music, what activities they are involved in, the names of their friends is your responsibility.

Be Flexible

It is good to set rules but there are always exceptions and there are instances when you need to bend the rules that you set.

Share Your Interest With Your Child

Sharing interests with your child means you understand them better. This means you are learning together and sharing your experiences. You need to have some connection with your child other than having an argument with who has the car key.

Keep Talking Even If Your Teen Will Not Listen

You may not know it but teenagers do listen to their parents. While they may at times argue with you, your advice is well-entrenched in their minds. Although they may seem passive with what you say, the truth of the matter is it sticks. So never stop giving them advices.

Follow these tips on understanding your child and you are headed towards becoming a successful parent.

Learning The Basics of Understanding Your Child

In most cases, parents become hard and strict with their children. They scold and reprimand them for their behavior and in the end become sorry for doing so. Responsible parenthood entails understanding your child. Here are some tips on how you can succeed in this aspect of parenthood.

Get To Know Your Children

When you have the time, individually talk to each of your children. Tell them about traits that are unique to them. By doing so, a special bond with your child is established. This way, you will be able to understand them better.

Having the time to communicate with your child is crucial to becoming a responsible and successful parent. At the same time, it will help you in guiding your child as they mature.
It’s worthwhile. The payoff is the intimate knowledge of who your child is, which lays the foundation for the guidance you offer them.

Treat Your Child According To Their Nature

Since your child is unique from each other, you need to treat them separately. What is applicable to one may not be exactly the same with the other. The philosophy one-size-fits-all is not exactly applicable in this case. Doing so will create some problems with your relationship with your children.

You need to tailor your actions and treatment according to the nature of each child. It is important to train your child according their nature so they would not forget it even if they become old, which is what the Proverbs say.

Criticize Their Traits, Not Behavior

When reprimanding, criticize your child for the personality trait that led to the inappropriate behavior and not for their action. As the saying goes, you need to trim the root and not the fruit. Ignoring the trait that causes the bad choice can lead to similar results in the future.

Do not rebuke your child but concentrate on the trait that led them to do such action. The action may not be bad but it is what caused such behavior. The resulting behavior may have been the right one based on the bad trait so the latter is what you need to correct.

As a parent, you need to determine the real cause of the problem by rooting out the bad trait that led to the wrong action. This is only possible when you have an understanding of your child.

Praise Your Child For Their Action

On the other hand, a good personality trait should be treated positively. However, they should not be connected to their action as this could pressure them to establish their goodness by constantly doing good. In the process, they could wear themselves down.

Bear in mind that your child is endowed with innate personalities. They will remain in your child so you need to harness them appropriately. Everyone of us have our own tendencies, whether innate or developed through experience. We are not responsible for them but our liability is with our actions.

Teach Your Child To Harness Their Character

When it comes to personality traits, there are always two sides to it: positive and negative. Not getting angry is a positive character but it can also turn out to be a negative trait.

As a parent, you are responsible for teaching your child learn about their primary character traits as well as the strengths and challenges that they offer. Helping them understand their own personality traits can last a lifetime.

By following these tips, you will be able to master the skill of understanding your child and in the process ensure a harmonious relationship with your child.

A Quick Guide To Understanding Your Child

Understanding your child is one of the most important things that you should learn as a parent. It is very helpful in becoming effective in guiding and nurturing your child as they grow and mature. You need to bear in mind that your child has a unique personality trait that remains consistent throughout life.

One of the ways you can understand your child is by observing them as they sleep, eat, or play. Look for the consistent traits. Which activities do they like best? Is adjusting to changes easy for them or do they need time to become familiar with these things? These things are the normal characteristics of a child and your child may not be an exception.

As much as possible, have time to talk to your children as this is crucial to gaining information and understanding. In the case of young children, they require less verbal language and more facial expression and body language in order to understand their thoughts and feelings. Asking them questions will allow them to share their feelings to you.
For example, rather than asking them what they did in school, ask them what they built with their blocks today. Instead of asking them if they played with their playmate, focus on the game they played.

Another way of understanding your child is by taking a look at their environment in order to learn about a certain behavior that you have observed. Relatives, child care providers, friends, teachers, the community, the home setting, and other aspects of the environment can play a crucial role in the behavior of your child. For example, if your child is showing aggressiveness towards other children at school, you may want to find out all the possible sources of their aggressive behavior.

Some possible angles would be their association with another child who is showing aggressive tendencies as well. The environment at home is another possible source for such behavior. Have there been conflicts and arguments at home lately that was seen by your child? What about in the community? These are some angles that you should consider when trying to find the reason behind your child’s aggressive behavior.

In addition, you can learn about your child by observing other children belonging to the similar age group. You can check out books, browse the Internet, attend a class about child development. Bear in mind that you went through the same stages as a child so more or less the behavior of children in that same stage would be similar. However, the speed of development through each stage is a personal thing.

By understanding your child’s development, you will be able to provide them with opportunities as well as toys that can boost their development and prepare them for the next phase of their growth. At the same time, you as a parent would be able to set expectations and limits that are acceptable to your child.

Being a responsible parent is hard specially in this day and age when parents spend more time working rather than being with their kids. Quality time is difficult to achieve when you are trying to juggle your time between corporate life and parenthood. Not many people achieve success in parenthood and this could be frustrating on your part. Understanding your child is one effective way of becoming successful in the art of parenting.